Apocalypse How…???

For many years writers and moviemakers have enjoyed bestowing terror on the masses with their predictions of Armageddon and apocalypse, but what are the chances of life imitating art?

I decided to look into the common themes and rate the chances of such events actually happening (Note: there is no scientific formulation to any of my ratings).

So, which scenario is the most likely?

Zombies

Dawn of the Dead – Universal Studios

Brains…brains…brains…okay, you get the idea. Zombies are rife on our TV screens. George A Romero kicked off the trend, and now the Walking Dead is a not to be missed TV show. The dead rise from their graves and start eating the living. With in excess of 7 billion people to go at they won’t go hungry, but could this actually happen?

Probability: 1/10

The Day After Tomorrow

The Day After Tomorrow – 20th Century Fox

Perhaps the topic that divides opinion the most: climate change, or in this case, extreme climate change. In this flick the weather does for mankind as the collapse of a huge ice sheet ushers in a new ice age. And there’s not a sloth, woolly mammoth or saber-toothed tiger named Diego in sight.

Probability:  8/10

Deep Impact

Deep Impact – Paramount Pictures

Look at that bright object in sky…ooh, a new star.  Let us rejoice, and name it after the kid who discovered it. Hang on…no, it’s a massive asteroid and it’s going to hit the Earth. Not so chuffed now are you, junior astronomer?

Not even Morgan Freeman can save us (Bruce Willis faired better in Armageddon), and only a select few will survive in underground bunkers to keep the human race alive. The worrying thing is, this could actually happen. Best keep Bruce on standby, eh?

Probability rating: 7/10

Outbreak

Outbreak – Warner Bros

After recent outbreaks of Swine and Bird Flu, the threat in Outbreak seems all too present. I’m still recovering from a bout of Man Flu, but luckily this only has implications for around half the population! Still, I wouldn’t mind one of those yellow suits. Aah-tchooo…on second thought, might get a bit messy on the inside of that visor!

Probability rating 9/10

Nuclear Annihilation

Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb – Colombia Pictures

The Cold War has ended and the threat of Mutually Assured Destruction seems to have kept mankind from blowing itself into oblivion. The madness of such a scenario was portrayed brilliantly in Stanley Kubrick’s Dr Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worryong and Love the Bomb. However, with so many warheads kicking about who-knows-where, this doomsday scenario still makes it onto the list.

Probability rating: 3/10

Alien Invasion

Independence Day – Twentieth Century Fox

This one will never go away. Over the years alien invasion has been a staple diet of the sci-fi writer.  But fear not – according to Hollywood, aliens can be thwarted by one of two methods: Will Smith or… bacteria. So keep watching re-runs of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air and throw away your Domestos – after all, we may need those germs.

Probability rating: 5/10

But the winner is:

Planet of the Apes

Planet of the Apes – Twentieth Century Fox

Okay, I’m not saying that Apes are going to overtake us in the evolutionary arms race, but read this excerpt from the fictitious Ape scrolls and you might just see where I’m going with this:

‘Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.’

Probability rating:

If we carry on abusing the planet the way we are:

10/10

Anyway, that’s just my take on it. Let me know if you agree with my ratings, or if you have your own scenarios to add to the list.

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14 thoughts on “Apocalypse How…???

      • dear Darren,
        I’m not even kidding.
        When I go to the zoo, those guys KNOW. They KNOW they shouldn’t be in cages.
        They know they should be ruling the world.
        BTW…I don’t know how I feel about zoos.
        Lis

      • I’ve actually never been to a zoo…how weird is that? I’m hoping they’ll take that into consideration once the day of reckoning comes!

  1. I would have to agree with you, that the most likely way to end the world through some horror is by continuing to abuse and disrespect the world. I never saw any of those movies, nor any like them (because I get freaked out too much)–so I’ll take your word for it. 🙂

    • Hi Kathryn,
      Planet of the Apes still the best film in the list (in my opinion). If you get a chance to watch it, I recommend it – but make sure you see the 60’s version rather than the remake.
      🙂

  2. Really, only 1/10 probability for zombie apocalypse?! Bummer- I always thought that’d be the most interesting 😉
    (Yes, I’m a bit of a “Walking Dead” fanatic :D)
    Am forwarding this to the hubby who will certainly enjoy just as much (if not more than) I did.

  3. Thanks for the comment! My zombie apocalypse probability score wasn’t based on any scientific criteria, so… you never know!
    I’m also a fan of the Walking Dead – a bit sad now series two has finished!

  4. Thanks Anne! Yes, spread the word, we’re all doomed…lol!

    I reckon I could survive a few of these things. Don’t know who would make my breakfast and drive me to work if my monkey butler ever rebelled in a Planet of the Apes type scenario, though?
    🙂

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