It’s official (because I have that authority) – January is the most depressing month of the year. Christmas is disappearing fast in the rear view mirror and most people are too skint to take advantage of the sales. Summer is ages away – and we’re lucky if any of those resolutions that began with such gusto ever make it into February.

Yep, January really does suck!

It’s cold, miserable, and dark… And did I mention it was cold. Miserable. And dark?

Lets’ face it, January, you’ve got nothing going for you – you’re the orange creme of the Gregorian calendar. No one wants to eat it but it’s just there…and you can’t get on with your life until it’s gone.

You don’t even have any major sporting events going on (sorry, World Darts and Bowls fans…and I purposefully excluded the Australian Open because a) it’s on in the middle of the night, and b) it feels like Australia is mocking us with its Antipodean summer).

How are those maggots, Michael?

So let’s just do away with it. Get rid of January. And here are just a few reasons why:

1. The average eighty-year old would live to be eighty-seven.
2. For about three years out of eleven we could celebrate christmas the Australian way in the old summer months of June, July August.
3. If the pension age remained at 65, we’d all be retiring at 59 
4. Christmas comes but once a year (theoretically that would be twice in old money).

And to all the dissenting voices left without a birthday, I say this to you, my friends… “You’ll never grow old. And you’ll never die…but you must feed.”

So let’s get the petition started. And feel free to leave your own reasons for why January must go! (Unless of course you like it, but nobody is that crazy…are they?)